Review: My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga

This is a story about 16 year old Aysel, who wants to die. 

I really wanted to read this book because it deals with suicide which is such a taboo subject, and I think we need to talk about it more. I bought it a long time ago, and it has sat on my shelves for this long because I started hearing not so great things about it. But I finally decided to judge for myself and picked it up a few days ago. 

The story is about Aysel, whose father has committed a crime that she feels makes her a pariah in the community, and she is afraid she will turn out like him if she grows up. So she decides to kill herself and finds a buddy on a suicide website. She meets up with Roman, who turns out to be a once-popular kid dealing with some heavy stuff. They slowly get to know each other as they plan their deaths, and of course with a book like this you are hoping that they will come to realize that they have many things to live for. 

There were a number of characters in this book and I couldn’t really figure any of them out. Aysel’s mother leaves her with her father when Aysel is a baby, even though the father seems to suffer from some mental disorder, and never really explains why. Roman changes from kind to cold in a heartbeat multiple times, but maybe that is fair, given his condition. Aysel’s sister seems like kind of a bitch but then “just wants to get to know her sister”, and Aysel’s classmate mopes when they are assigned a project together, but then turns out to be really nice. I just had trouble figuring out everyone’s motives and purposes. 

I really liked the writing style of this book. I read it in translation so I can’t really tell if it’s the author or the translator I like, but a bit of both I guess. The chapters counted down to the date Aysel and Roman have picked, and that certainly gave it a sense of urgency throughout the story. 

I gave this book 2,5 stars out of 5 on Goodreads because I really liked the writing style, but I had some problems with the story as I detail below. 

SPOILERS BELOW!

They do come to realize that they have things to live for, but in a pretty quick and easy way if you ask me. Aysel realizes she is falling in love with Roman and suddenly she doesn’t want to die after all. He still does and almost makes it, but by his hospital bedside Aysel convinces him to stay for the sake of what they could have together. I just find that the whole “love” angle is a bit cheap. What if they break up? Will they both return to wanting to kill themselves. Love can’t be the only thing to save you. Both of them have underlying depression issues that ought to be dealt with, but the ending makes it seem like as long as they have each other it will be fine. During the plot I thought Aysel’s change of mind was rather quick, but I didn’t really question it, because I have never had depression or suicidal thoughts so I don’t really know how the thought process works. But when Roman seemed to change his mind in under a minute, I started to think it seemed a bit contrived. We do get glimpses of other things going on that I think deserved more page space; like Aysel opening up to her mother about everything and the (very short) introduction of a psychiatrist, but nothing really comes of either of these things. The ending makes it seem like all that matters is the relationship between Aysel and Roman, and I just don’t think that’s the best message to put out there.